Social Skills Every 4th-8th Grader Needs to Know…

I adore being a school counselor! Kids are still so moldable and receptive. Plus they are hilarious and so entertaining at times! If you have a child between 4th to 8th grade these are the main things I would speak to them about as a school counselor.

• The definitions of mean, rude, and bullying

  
  Parents and students would come in throwing the word “bullying” around no matter what was happening. In my experience as a school counselor, parents and students do not know the difference between mean, rude, and bullying. So let’s dive in. Rude is manners such as rolling the eyes or body language. Bullying is an “imbalance of power” while being mean is everything in between those two. Once these terms were understood we would acknowledge what really was happening. In most situations, both children were being rude or mean back and forth. It wasn’t an imbalance of power. There is so much to be said about bullying which I will talk about in a future blog. If you are wanting more information on bullying follow this checklist by visiting: https://locker.txssc.txstate.edu/3942be0c6bbe569ed1417377e6c1d2a9/Bullying-Checklist-BW.pdf

• The superhero analogy when it came to “bullying”

  
  Whether it was rude, mean, or bullying I always tried to empower my students by letting them know all of us have experienced something similar at some point in our life. Most of the time what is being said is not true, at all. Kids will say the most ridiculous things to get a laugh. Then I would use the super hero analogy of when a superhero is fighting a villain and the villain attacks back, does the superhero cower down or give up? No! They stand back up, strong and confident in themselves. I would push students to stand back up, strong and confident in themselves such as a superhero would do. We would then name 5 things they love about themselves. Obviously for bigger situations investigations were had and consequences given but I, 100%, believe in teaching children to be confident and not let everything said affect them. I would tell them it may hurt your feelings and feelings do matter but also you need to use your mind to think first, is this true? Second is this person's family or a good friend because if not then they do not matter.

• To say i’m sorry if you accidentally do something

  
  This may sound so simple but we had so many issues stem from someone not saying I am sorry when they accidentally bump into someone else or say something they shouldn’t. I taught kids to quickly say “My bad” or “I am sorry” when they did something they didn’t mean to do.

• How to properly manage conflict resolution

  
  I think many adults have trouble with conflict resolution because it is icky and uncomfortable but I would act as the mediator between two kids or many kids. I told them we do not speak over each other and if someone gets angry and screams we will stop and reconvene. It only works when we are level headed. We would then take turns answering the following questions: what happened that upset you? If we could rewind the clock and redo what should we have done  differently? Does anyone need to apologize? I normally had to teach kids how to properly apologize which is making eye contact and saying I am sorry for blah blah and I will try not to do it again. Conflict resolution is so important because without it kids just get consequences and they do not feel heard or have the time to have a mature conversation around what happened. Again, I feel there is much more to be said here that I can discuss in a future blog.

• Just because it is true doesn’t mean it should be said

  
  Kids think but it’s the truth!!! He does have holes in his shoes or he is shorter than everyone else but these comments would lead to hurt feelings. I would refer to T.H.I.N.K and if a comment didn't follow it then it shouldn’t be said.  THINK stands for the following:
  T- Is it true?
  H- Is it Helpful?
  I- Is it Inspiring?
  N- Is it Necessary?
  K- Is it Kind?
  A lot of the time the kind wasn't there so it didn't need to be said even if it was true.

I feel there is so much more to be said in each of these topics but this is a quick overview of some of the main things I would teach children. Please have these conversations with your own kids to help them be successful socially in life. School isn’t just about academics no matter how often we tell kids that. At school, they meet friends, significant others, heroes, and villains. They need to know how to socially interact with others and parents can most definitely help with that. Happy parenting!