Top Concerns High School Students Share with Their School Counselor

I must say working with high school kids is one of my most favorite things to do. You get to be entertained on the daily while also sneaking in some healthy coping skills and positive praise to help strengthen their self esteem. Then don’t get me started on talks of the future! They are so full of life, curiosity, and it’s just fun to plan future concrete steps for them to gain their wings and fly away. These are the top things I spoke to high school kids about as a school counselor, obviously other than which classes they should register for or talks of future plans.

• Negative Self Talk & Low Self-esteem

  It is sad to say but somewhere around 6th grade kids start to become very harsh with themselves. Negative self talk and low self esteem runs rampant. When I was a school counselor for fourth and fifth graders, I would ask them to tell me things that they like about themselves and they could always name things, like quickly. Once I got to high school or even intermediate school (6-8th grade), the majority of the kids would tell me I don't like anything about myself. It was rare that I could get a high school kid to tell me three things they liked about themselves much less one thing. And I'm not even talking about in a group setting. I know in a group setting it's embarrassing to list things that you like about yourself. I am talking about individual counseling, just me and a student who I have built a relationship with and they still can't tell me one thing they like about themselves.

  Then they were constantly talking bad about themselves. Even in just them telling me about their life at home or at school, the negative self talk was awful. I was constantly stopping kids to be like don't talk about yourself like that. They were constantly doubting or comparing themselves. Words come from our thoughts. Our thoughts affect our feelings and actions so constantly putting ourselves down whether verbally or mentally can surface anxiety, fear, depression. Positive or even just realistic thoughts can help our feelings which in turn helps our actions.

  I think teaching kids at this age or even younger that you can bully yourself just like you can bully others is so important. I think kids need to be taught to often say three things that they are proud of, thankful for, or like about themselves. Doing this helps them put things into perspective. I think kids at this age need praise since they are living in self-doubt the majority of the day. Just imagine if a teenager is taught healthy coping skills, positive self talk, and confidence at this age instead of in their 20s and 30s, the pain they wouldn't have to endure like others have would be monumental.

• Wanting more time with parents
  This one might be more of a shocker for most people. You all know, the quintessential high school kid doesn't want anything to do with his parents. The main thing I heard from teens is that they miss their mom or they miss their dad or they wish their parents would spend more time with them. I'm talking about parents that they actually live with. Obviously most teenagers miss parents who are working far away or in prison, etc., but again I'm talking about parents that live in the same home as them. They would often tell me that they think a parent hates them or they wish their parent wouldn't go and drink so much but be home with them. So please know that they may act all big and bad but truly deeply inside they still want but mainly still need their parents.

• Healthy relationships

  Now, this is a tricky one because they are teenagers and they don't want you to tell them what to do. They want to feel heard. They want to feel loved and they want to feel special. So again, you kinda have to sneak it in. When a high school student would tell me that they were in a relationship I would always say jokingly but seriously they better be treating you right. They better be respecting you. They better not be controlling. Obviously, that's hard for parents to do because in the same sense, they don't want a parent controlling them. I think a good trick for parents is even if the stories is made up tell them about an unhealthy relationship that your friends had in high school. I think sometimes parents don't talk to kids about relationships because kids can be so stand offish but parents need to talk to kids about relationships even just friend relationships or how people should treat you. Role playing works well for this too and can make it funny but educative all at once.

The moral of the story is highschoolers are still kids. They are not grown no matter what they say or how they act. They still need somebody in their life who loves them unconditionally and who tells them that. They still need advice and guidance. They need to know that they are the most important person in their parents life.