Conflict Resolution

Many people shy away from conflict, but it doesn’t have to be something we fear. In fact, conflict can be a powerful opportunity for growth, understanding, and connection—if we learn how to handle it well.

As a school counselor, I’ve spent years teaching children how to navigate disagreements with empathy and respect. What I’ve learned is this: conflict resolution is a skill—one that can be taught, practiced, and strengthened. And it’s not just for kids. Most of us, even as adults, were never formally taught how to manage conflict in healthy ways.

In this blog, I’ll be sharing simple, practical tools I’ve used with students that work for people of all ages. Whether you're a parent, teacher, or just someone who wants to handle tough conversations better, there’s something here for you.

Step 1- Emotions first then words later

Conflict often comes with strong emotions—someone may be crying, angry, or feeling overwhelmed. The best resolution happens after both sides have had a moment to pause and reflect. Here’s what I encourage people to do before beginning the conversation:

Take Time to Calm Down

• Step away if needed, take a few deep breaths, and give yourself time to settle emotionally.

• It’s hard to resolve anything when emotions are running high.

Reflect Before You Speak

• What made you upset?
  Try to pinpoint the moment or action that triggered your reaction.

• What can you control in this situation?
  Focus on your actions, responses, and choices—not the other person’s behavior.

• How did you feel?
  Naming the emotion helps you express yourself clearly.

• What do you want to say?
  Think about the exact words you'd like to use. This helps avoid saying something you'll regret and keeps the conversation focused.

Step 2- Identify the Issue

In many situations, I took on more of a mediator role, helping both sides feel heard and guiding the conversation in a respectful, balanced way. Here’s how I structured those conversations:

One Voice at a Time

• Only one person spoke at a time to keep things calm and respectful.

• Everyone had the opportunity to speak if they wanted to—no one was pressured, and no one was left out.

Back-and-Forth Dialogue

• I encouraged a back-and-forth conversation where each person could share their thoughts fully.

• I’d start with a question like:
  “Why are we here today? What do you feel needs to be talked about?”

Reflective Listening

• I repeated back what was said to make sure it was heard correctly and to help each person feel understood.
  “So what I’m hearing is that you felt left out when plans changed—did I get that right?”

Encouraging More

• I’d ask gentle follow-up questions like:
  “Is there anything else you’d like to add?”

• Then I’d give the other person the same chance to speak and be heard.

Finding Common Ground

• I looked for similarities and differences in what both people shared.
  “It sounds like you both felt ignored, but for different reasons—let’s explore that.”

Exploring Emotions and “I” Statements

• I asked about feelings to help each person connect more deeply to what they were expressing.

• I encouraged the use of “I” statements to keep the conversation personal and non-blaming.
  “Can you try sharing that again using ‘I feel’ instead of ‘you always’?”

Step 3- Use I Statements

One of the most powerful tools in resolving conflict is learning to speak from your own experience rather than placing blame. That’s where “I” statements come in.

Instead of saying:
"You never listen to me."
Try:
"I feel unheard when I'm interrupted."

The difference may seem small, but it’s huge. “I” statements help you express your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive. They open the door for real conversation instead of arguments.

A good formula to follow is:
"I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]."
Optional: "What I need is [need/request]."

Example:
"I feel frustrated when plans change last minute because I like to be prepared. What I need is a bit more notice if things shift."

Using “I” statements shows ownership of your emotions and encourages the other person to hear you, rather than react.

Step 4- Apologize and agree on a plan

Once both sides have shared their thoughts and feelings, it’s time to take responsibility for your part in the conflict. A genuine apology can go a long way in healing hurt and rebuilding trust.

A good apology includes (while making eye contact):

• Acknowledging what happened

• Taking responsibility (without making excuses)

• Expressing regret

• Committing to doing better

Example:
“I’m really sorry for raising my voice earlier. I let my frustration take over, and that wasn’t fair to you.”

After the apology, it's important to decide together what happens next. This might mean setting boundaries, making changes, or simply agreeing on how to handle things differently in the future.

Why this matters:

• It shows both people are willing to grow.

• It creates a shared plan to avoid the same conflict again.

• It reinforces that the relationship is more important than being “right.”

Example of agreeing on next steps:
“Next time we have a disagreement, let’s both take a few minutes to cool down before we talk it through.”

Next steps for you.

Learning how to navigate conflict isn’t easy—but it is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you're struggling with communication in relationships, feeling overwhelmed by emotion, or just wanting to respond better when things get tense, therapy can help.

As a virtual therapist, I offer a supportive space where you can explore what’s beneath the conflict, build healthier communication habits, and feel more in control of your emotional responses. If you're ready to grow through what you’re going through, I’d love to work with you.

Let’s connect—your first step toward calmer, more confident conversations starts here.

Schedule a free 15 minute consultation by using the button above.